i don't like to "label" children because those labels sometimes stick and eventually they change. but when all else fails i turn to Dr. Sears who best described Miley as "a demanding baby" (and toddler). at least it helped me feel a little more normal and put a new, more positive spin on my exhaustion...
High need babies don't just merely request feeding and holding, they demand it -- loudly. This feature more than any of the others pushes parents' buttons, causing them to feel manipulated and controlled. Adults who are stuck in the "parenting equals control" mindset may have great difficulty realizing that babies' demands equal communication, not control.
Mothers of high need babies often say, "I just can't get to him fast enough." These babies convey a sense of urgency in their signals; they do not like waiting, and they do not readily accept alternatives. Woe to the parent who offers baby the rattle when he is expecting a breast. He will let you know quickly and loudly that you've misread his cues. The concept of "delayed gratification" is totally foreign to infants, it must be sensitively and gradually taught when the child is developmentally ready to learn it.
It may be easier to cope with your baby's demanding signals if you understand why high need babies have to be demanding in order to thrive. Suppose baby had high needs but did not have a strong personality to "demand" that these needs get met. Suppose he did not use the kind of persistent cry that ensures a response. This would be a lose-lose situation: baby would not thrive because his needs would not be filled, and parents would not get enough practice at cue reading to ever pick up on the baby's real need level.
If the child feels that she can trust her caregivers, she will eventually learn to make her demands in a more socially acceptable way, rather than wildly overwhelming the whole caregiving environment. With parents who both respond to and wisely channel her demands, the high need child develops into a person with determination, one who will fight for her rights. The child becomes a leader instead of a follower, one who does not just follow the path of least resistance and do what everyone else is doing. Certainly, our country needs more of such citizens.
Being demanding is the trait of high need children that is most likely to drive parents bananas, but it is also the trait that drives children to succeed and excel. A high need child with a corresponding demanding personality will, if nurtured and channeled appropriately during the formative years, exhaust teachers as she did her parents; yet she will also be able to extract from adult resources, such as teachers, the level of help and education she will need to thrive in academic and social endeavors. This is why it is so important not to squelch an infant's expressiveness. The ability to know one's needs and be able to comfortably express them is a valuable tool for success in life.
As the high need infant grows into a high need toddler and child, parents must also help her learn that her demands must be balanced against the needs of others, so that she can learn to be a likeable and compassionate person as well as a demanding one. Helping a demanding infant develop a persistent personality without becoming a controlling person is one of the challenges we will discuss throughout this book.*****(Dr.Sears)
so here is to hoping that Miley becomes a confident, thriving leader with an exceptional ability to excel. thank you Lord for Miley and for all that You are teaching me.
2- on a lighter note. today while sitting stationary in the floor, folding tons of tiny laundry, Miley was playing. at some point when she came to check on me and make sure i was making no attempt to escape, i noticed she had sumo legs. upon further investigation i found this...
all of these.
she is cute.
she loves those squishy squashies.
3- Lucas and I decided today that Presley shall not receive any new toys, which includes the dollar rack at Target, until February 1st. then we will reassess her ability to respect the toys she has. i was very annoyed when she destroyed the first Christmas gift by stabbing it with a pencil multiple times (it was inflatable) and extremely annoyed when i found out another toy had been cut up with scissors. both toys costing around 50 dollars a piece. not cool. not cool at all.
4- my girls have many more good qualities than bad i assure you. their daddy and their grandparents will tell you they are perfect, and that's OK. im just a little more realistic. wonderful yes, perfect no.
5- took my dad to get a myleogram at the crack of dawn this week. i enjoy it. quality time with dad. i recently received a warning from a state trooper and put it in the passenger side sun visor. after the procedure they wanted dad to lie flat or at most a 40 degree angle. so on the way home with his seat laid back, he says "casey wynne, is that a ticket i see?" CRAP go figure, 30 years old and still get caught by your father.
6- while waiting in the waiting room the volunteer staff came around with a basket of goodies and asked if i wanted one. a church had put a sticker on the Little Debbie treats with a verse on them. i thought that was neat.
7- if you are running out of things to pray about i give you permission to pray for Mileys independence, Presleys desire to respect her toys, dads recovering back injury and my sanity.